It’s a fact of life for many adults: Aging parents require care. As the years pass, it often becomes the responsibility of the adult children to care for their parents. It’s a journey that many people find challenging for practical and emotional reasons. It often comes at the busiest time in a person’s life, when they are at the pinnacle of their careers and raising their own children. Unfortunately, this can make something that could otherwise be a rewarding experience difficult and draining.
If you’re caring for aging parents or you know the time is coming when your aging parents will need additional support, what can you do to balance love, care, and boundaries?
Emotional Aspect of Caring
Many adult children consider it a blessing to care for their aging parents. All parties have worked hard over the years to have a healthy adult relationship, and there is great pleasure in giving back what was once given to you as a child. But this doesn’t mean that caring for an aging parent is easy emotionally.
Often, aging parents are struggling with cognitive issues. This can make caring for them a tough challenge. Even under the best circumstances, if your older parent is still mentally sharp, accepting that they’re aging isn’t easy.
If you’ve decided to care for an older parent part- or full-time, it’s important to realize that different emotional needs might arise. In addition to the practical challenges you might face with caregiving, you’ll need to cope with the emotional issues that this often brings. If you’re struggling, consider reaching out to a counselor or a support group that deals with the challenges of caregiving for aging parents.
Boundaries
When you decide to care for aging parents, you must set boundaries. It’s the best way to keep a relationship healthy and ensure everyone is on the same page. Boundaries also prevent caregivers from feeling resentful and the care from feeling as if they are a burden.
Keep in mind caregiving doesn’t mean that you sacrifice your entire life to devote to your aging parent. You might need to reprioritize aspects of your life, but you can’t give up everything, even if it’s just for a few weeks. It’s important to be clear about your non-negotiables and find ways to work within that framework. For example, if you’re unwilling to miss your child’s soccer games, let your parent know you are unavailable for them during those times. Maybe you have a standing coffee date with a friend where you vent about life’s stressors. Keep that coffee date because it’s good for your mental health.
If you’re struggling with where to set boundaries, begin by identifying the areas where you might need support. For example, maybe you need to manage your time better, or you could use some assistance with household responsibilities.
Final Thoughts
Finding balance is the key to success when you’ve taken on the role of supporting an aging parent. Finding that balance is an ongoing process that might need continual adjustment as your parent grows older and situations change.
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