Value-Driven Dating: How to Find Love That Actually Aligns with You

Dating should be with intentionality and purpose. If you’re dating randomly, you might be fishing for a long time before catching the right one. Value-driven dating is dating with your core values in mind. Relationships last longer when values align. When you know your standards, you recognize what doesn’t align with them.

In a viral video, a woman warned single women not to make the same mistake she did. She married someone who looked good, had a nice car, and a nice home. However, none of those could save her marriage. She had let superficial things supersede her core values, but in the end, it was what tore them apart.

Know Your Values

You must have a high level of confidence, knowing who you are and what you believe. Value-driven dating involves having standards and not settling for less. Having standards is better than not having any at all. Those who have standards are more respected. When you know your standards, you’re able to recognize what’s not aligned.

What are your beliefs when it comes to faith, family, community, self-respect, and trustworthiness? You should have a stance on what is important to you and stand by it. Having self-respect while dating someone who disrespects you won’t work. When giving back to your community is important, but you date someone who scoffs at it, you’re misaligned.

Communication is Key

Having meaningful conversations to express your key values is key. Be open and honest in value-driven dating. No telling little white lies to get the person to like you will do. Your relationship should be based on mutual understanding.  Your shared common values help to build a solid foundation. Bring up topics of concern, hear them out, and read between the lines if you must.

Communicate with purpose and intent. Don’t chatter on about things that don’t matter. Your future depends on being with the right person whose values align with yours. The woman who went viral said she and her husband had an autistic son. While she did everything she could to support their son, he was absent from the picture. If family means commitment and loyalty, find someone who feels the same.

Set Boundaries

Proverbs 25:28 says that when people lack self-control (boundaries), they’re like a city with no walls. Without boundaries, you’re defenseless against the whims of others. In value-driven dating, set boundaries. Know what you’ll accept and what you won’t. Let your boundaries decide who gets your attention and who doesn’t. 

Boundaries keep you safe. If you own a large piece of property, you know where your lines end. If others violate your boundaries, you can defend your borders. Value-driven dating means you stay within the lines of your set boundaries, letting no one violate them. And don’t accept guilt trips if someone doesn’t understand. That’s a sign to move on.

Emotional Intelligence

Having emotional intelligence is possessing emotional maturity. You know yourself and what’s right for your life. You’re choosing to be authentic and honest about who you are and what you believe. As the woman mentioned above, none of that mattered when they experienced difficulties in the relationship.

Emotional intelligence means you’re not willing to sacrifice your core values for the superficial. You’re not willing to waste your time or someone else’s. You’re mature enough to date according to your values, not your attractions. It’s looking for a true life partner, someone to spend your life with.

Invest in You

Before you can experience value-driven dating, you must first invest in yourself. You must be spiritually, emotionally, and physically healthy. Spiritually, you must know what you believe. If you’re a Christian or faith-based person, you don’t want to date someone not aligned with your faith.

You should be in a good place emotionally. Bringing emotional baggage from a former relationship into a new one is unfair. It would begin problematically. And physically, you should be in your best shape. If not, take care of yourself physically first, so that you can give yourself fully to value-driven dating to find the right person.

Final Thoughts

Value-driven dating is for those whose purpose is to find a viable partner to enter a relationship that leads to commitment. It’s not for casual daters. So make sure you’re aligned with that purpose. You must know your values, communicate, set boundaries, be emotionally mature, and invest in yourself. Dating will not only be more enjoyable but also more meaningful when you find someone whose core values align with yours.