Why You’re Not Healing: 5 Bad Habits That Keep You Stuck After a Breakup

Healing is possible after a breakup, and it doesn’t have to take forever. The goal of every person should be wholeness. Whole means complete and entire. Nothing is missing, and nothing is broken. Whole also implies healed: spirit, soul, and body. When something breaks in any of those areas, healing is needed.

Yes, breakups can be devastating because you’ve spent time investing in your relationship; you’ve formed a bond. You were in love with this person, or at least thought you were, and now it’s over. All you’re left with are painful memories. The former days are gone, and now you’re misty because you’ve lost the one you thought would be with you forever.

Well, it’s time to dry your eyes and move on. Here are 5 bad habits that keep you stuck after a breakup.

Codependent Tendencies

Your life revolved around the other person, and they were constantly in your thoughts. All your time and efforts were devoted to them. And all your activities involved them. It seems you may’ve had codependency issues. So when the breakup hit, it hit hard because your entire life’s routine was uprooted.

Your worst fears were realized; this person is now gone. Codependency is based on fear because a codependent person does everything to keep the relationship going, fearing the other person may leave.

If you’ve given all your time to someone else at the expense of your own health, happiness, and well-being, you’re stuck in codependency. Even if the relationship hadn’t ended, you were on an emotional rollercoaster, and the stress of living your life for someone else would have eventually taken its toll. A life of fear is not the life you want.

Let go of your fears. The breakup has happened, and you’re still standing. That’s a sign that you can move on.

Seeking Validation from Others

If you don’t feel accepted unless you’re in a relationship, you’re seeking validation from others. Life does not promise to validate you every day, so if that derails you, you’re in trouble. When you require validation from others to be happy, you’ll never be in control of your life. Someone else will always have power over you.

When you’re not in control of your own life, you’re at the mercy of others.  You’ve set yourself up for misery. You mustn’t give others the responsibility of validating you.

You must think positively and esteem yourself worthy of happiness, love, and affection. If there’s no one in your life at the moment, then wait patiently for the right person. Keep the faith. Just because someone left and no one has entered the picture doesn’t mean they won’t arrive. You must be in the right mental space and not pining over another to be able to receive someone new.

Believing Lies

Stop believing things like you have to be in a relationship to be happy. Relationships don’t define you. You’re an individual with gifts, talents, and abilities that’ll lead you to your destiny. Stop believing that your destiny is tied to someone who’s proven unfaithful. The right person won’t take you on emotional dives, but will be a faithful partner to you.

If you’re having a hard time moving on from someone who wasn’t kind to you, you’re believing lies. Instead of reveling in freedom, you’re either believing the lies that things could’ve been better or that it wasn’t that bad. You were there; it was that bad, so put a smile on your face and move on. You don’t have time for lies. Don’t be the cause of your own deception.

Lacking Self-Confidence

When a person lacks self-confidence, they feel sad when the person who mistreats them is no longer there. That’s not good. If someone treats you like crap, but the next day, you’re still there smiling, something isn’t right. You must get to the root of your brokenness so you can heal and move on.

Examine why you’d allow someone to demonstrate unhealthy behavior patterns to you while you accept it. If someone can easily walk away from you, the relationship was never stable. Learn to let go, and desire to be with people who want to be with you. Gain confidence by grounding yourself spiritually, reading books that inspire you, and talking to people who uplift you.

If you feel the need to speak to a counselor or therapist, do so. Healing is at your fingertips.

Not Seeing Yourself Properly

You don’t see yourself as you were created: in the image and likeness of God. You may not want to admit it, but if you’ve been living your life attached to someone else, you’ve given in to a false image of yourself. You actually may think you loved the person you broke up with, but if your love was based on wrong ways of seeing yourself, it likely wasn’t real love anyway.

Your love was unhealthy, not the way love was intended. Love involves honesty and simplicity; it doesn’t stress you out or make you feel that someone may leave you at any moment.

See yourself as strong, powerful, and taking charge of your world. These attributes were deposited in you, but you must draw them out. Talk to someone who can help you become unstuck. Don’t let your life spiral downward because someone didn’t see you properly, and you accepted it.

It’s time to see yourself as an overcomer, a winner. A breakup can’t define you. Life happens to us all. Don’t give someone else the satisfaction of keeping you stuck.

Live in Freedom

Don’t accept being broken in any shape, form, or fashion. Desire to be whole and take steps to move in that direction. Kick to the curb codependent tendencies, the need for validation, lies, lack of confidence, and not seeing yourself properly. Healing after a breakup awaits you, but you must desire it.