The Essential Friendsgiving Etiquette 101: What to Bring and How to Show Up Flawless
There’s something quietly revolutionary about Friendsgiving. It’s the kind of gathering that doesn’t ask for perfection, performance, or a shared bloodline—just presence, warmth, and maybe a side dish that won’t start a debate. For many, it’s become the preferred holiday ritual, a soft landing in a season that often feels oh so sharp-edged. Friendsgiving is where chosen family shows up with casseroles and care, where the table is set for joy instead of judgment. And when it comes to showing up flawless, a little etiquette goes a long way.
Why Friendsgiving Feels Better Than Family Holidays
Traditional family gatherings can be beautiful—but let’s be honest, they can also be emotionally exhausting. The pressure to conform, the recycled arguments, the subtle digs over dinner… it’s a lot. Sometimes, the only thing shared is a last name and a simmering tension. Friendsgiving flips the lid on that script. It’s built on allowing everyone to show up as themselves, and the freedom to just say no to all the drama.
There’s no shame in choosing to share your holiday where you feel peace. If gathering with your family feels like walking into a minefield, dropping bombs from unresolved arguments and shaming each other for different opinions (that probably have nada to do with holidays or family…), then you absolutely do not need to put yourself in that situation. Period. The holidays should be about restoration, not survival. Friendsgiving offers that—a space where people can be themselves, laugh freely, and eat without side-eye commentary.
Friendsgiving Etiquette: The Essentials
Showing up to Friendsgiving isn’t about rules and fronting—it’s about intentional kindness. Here’s how to bring the right energy and make the gathering feel like a holiday that doesn’t suck the life outta you.
Bring Something Thoughtful
Whether it’s a dish or a playlist, contribute something that reflects the vibe of your crew. Ask what’s needed in your group text beforehand, and if you’re still unsure, a seasonal dessert or a bottle of wine rarely gets eye-rolls. Homemade touches are always welcome, but store-bought is fine too—this isn’t a competition.
Respect the Space
If someone’s opening their home for the gathering, treat it like it’s still your brother’s mother-in-law’s auntie’s oh so perfect holiday cabin, just without the auntie and the judgement. Do your part to help with setup and cleanup. Be mindful of how loud the crew can get with wee hours and wine and be respect any set boundaries. You are a guest, just don’t be a bad one. Friendsgiving is literally founded on the idea of mutual respect. Etiquette starts with not being a slob or rude.
Be Emotionally Present
Put the phone down. Listen. Ask questions. Share stories. Friendsgiving is a chance to connect deeply, openly. Show up with your whole-self and make room for the rest of the crew to do the same.
A Mindful Menu
If you’re cooking, be kind to those who might have a different way of eating. As the host you need to make sure there’s something for everyone. Not overboard, and please don’t make fun of your college roommate who thinks being vegan is cool simply because of Instagram. Remember why you are having a Friendsgiving to begin with, inclusivity. Inclusivity is good etiquette, and nothing says “I care about you and I see you” like remembering your homies food preferences or needs.
Don’t Overstay or Under-share
Know when to arrive, when to leave, and how to engage. If you’re feeling off, it’s okay to be quiet—but don’t ghost the gathering. Friendsgiving is all about that “I choose to be here because it’s a happy place” vibe. And when everyone keeps the vibe balanced it works.
Show Up for Each Other
Friendsgiving isn’t just about food (or the wine)—it’s about emotional nourishment, too. Here are a few ways to openly share emotions that create new bonds with old friends:
Create a Gratitude Ritual: Go around the table and share one thing you’re grateful for. Keep it light or go deep—either way, it builds connections and understanding.
Bring a Memory Offering: A photo, play a song from back in the day, bust out with the old yearbook and see how y’all signed each other’s cracks. It’s a way to honor the early days and strengthen the future days of your friendships.
Make Cozy Corners: Not everyone can be their best selves in loud groups. Set up a cozy book-nook with blankets and books for when someone needs a breather. Plus it gives them an excuse to take as much time as needed. They can just say “OMG, I picked up this book and couldn’t put it down.” Ya know, the kind of space a friend gives another.
Celebrate Untraditional Weirdness: Toast to your chosen family, to saying “umm, no thanks” to forced family holidays, to the weird and wonderful ways y’all found each other. And raise a glass for the ones who are not with y’all today…. Because they were too scared to say no to their auntie! Friendsgiving is a celebration of what’s real, not what’s expected.
When Family Isn’t Worth the Stress
It’s totally okay to admit that family gatherings feel more like endurance race than anything you would celebrate. If the holidays have historically been a source of anxiety or resentment, or worse, if they feel unsafe, then Friendsgiving can be a safe space for healing. There’s no need to justify stepping away from environments that dim your light. The sparkle matters. Protect it.
Choosing friends over family doesn’t mean rejecting your roots—it means honoring your growth. It’s a way of saying, “I deserve joy, and I’m allowed to curate my holiday experience.” That’s not rebellion. That’s self-respect.
Final Thought
Friendsgiving is more than a meal—it’s a ritual of belonging. It’s where people show up with casseroles and candor, where laughter replaces tension, and where the table feels like a safe place to land. With a little etiquette and a lot of heart, it becomes a celebration of everything that makes chosen family so powerful. So bring your best dish, your warmest self, and your sparkle. You’re not just invited—you’re wanted.
