Let’s talk about when children start dating. This is another milestone that parents look forward to with uniform enthusiasm and apprehension. That first experience when your child begins to date marks a new era that you may or may not be quite ready for. Whatever it may be, a first crush or a first serious relationship as a parent, you have a part to play. Yet, how does one be supportive without being an annoyance? In this article, we will discuss how to support your child without being overbearing.
Open Conversations
The first thing to do when your child starts dating is to ensure that you have a line of communication. But instead of going directly into a lecture on the “evils” of dating or interrogating them with questions such as ‘What does your boyfriend/girlfriend do for a living?” begin with friendly and open discussions. Use less intrusive kinds of questions, such as “Did you have fun on your date? Can you please tell me more about your friend?
Be friendly, but do not give the impression that you could not care less. It makes your child feel comfortable about approaching you for any advice that they might need, without the feeling that you will judge their decision. If you constantly attack them with questions or try to give them advice they didn’t ask for, you might lose them. Dating, after all, is a big deal to them, and it can be nerve-wracking even if it’s a simple crush or a full-on relationship.
Set Boundaries, Not Rules
Parents always want to keep their children safe and secure. However, when you set too many rules, it can be misinterpreted and overbearing. Instead of setting standards that are almost bordering on obsession. Try to eliminate things that are bad for your child, like “No this” or “Don’t do that.” For instance, you can set standards regarding communication at night, when and how often they should contact you if they are out, or the person they are dating. Instead of demanding this from them, justify these boundaries to protect them.
It’s important thing is to allow your child to make their own decisions within the framework of these guidelines. It will make them feel that you have respect and trust for them to make decisions without being lectured. And remember, there is a risk that in an attempt to make your child obedient, you will instead get a child who is deceitful and sneaky.
Support and Don’t Criticize
Dr. Siggie once said, “Instead of focusing on making your child’s life easier, help them recognize they are capable of handling hard things.” At this age of dating, your child is likely to go through different emotions such as happiness, anxiety, and sometimes even disappointment. The parental responsibilities are not to judge the choices they make but to be supportive. Regardless of how you feel about them dating, you need to respect them and be polite. If they are dealing with a breakup, be available to listen to them without interrupting with solutions or complaints about the ex.
If your child struggles moving forward, allow them to be as emotional as they want without making judgments. Make it clear that you support them regardless and that you believe in them making the right decision. You should also demonstrate what relationships should be like instead of the negative ones that you see around you. Do not shy away from explaining to your child what respect, kindness, and willingness to effectively communicate with their partner mean in practice.
Final Thoughts
As much as you enjoy your child dating, you might feel apprehensive or unsure about it. However, being supportive instead of overbearing will make your child feel that you know and trust them. The conversation must remain open and honest. You must set limits without compromising on the level of respect involved to mentor without overpowering. Besides, dating is a part of the growing process, so when you place your trust in your child, they will understand what a healthy and responsible relationship is.
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