Cheating in Relationships: Why People Do It

Let’s rip the band-aid off right now: finding out you’ve been cheated on feels like getting spawn-camped in real life. It’s frustrating, it hurts, and it leaves you wondering how you didn’t see it coming. But while we’d all love to paint every cheater as a mustache-twirling villain, the psychology behind cheating in relationships is rarely that black and white. Sometimes it’s malice, sure, but often it’s just a messy cocktail of insecurity, cowardice, and bad impulse control.

So, why do people actually do it? Is it the thrill? The validation? Or are they just terrified of having a difficult conversation? We dug into the psychology (and ignored the lame excuses) to break down why people stray.

It’s Usually Not About the Sex (It’s the Ego)

Here is a hard pill to swallow: cheating is rarely about the act itself. According to relationship experts like Esther Perel, it’s usually about desire—specifically, the desire to feel important.

Think of it like unlocking a new achievement. In a long-term relationship, the applause dies down. You stop getting gold stars just for showing up. An affair offers a fresh audience who thinks your jokes are hilarious and your stories are fascinating. It’s an ego boost. People cheat to feel “seen” or special again, chasing that dopamine hit of validation that they aren’t getting at home. It’s selfish, absolutely, but it’s a desperate grasp for attention rather than just a physical urge.

The “Main Character” Syndrome

Then you have the “Game Players.” These are the folks playing single-player mode in a co-op game. For narcissists or those with serious immaturity issues, cheating in relationships is just a way to assert dominance or control.

They know it hurts you. They just don’t care.

For this crowd, accumulating partners is like collecting loot—it’s all about status. They love the thrill of the chase and the power trip of having a secret. If your partner treats monogamy like a suggestion rather than a rule, you aren’t dealing with a mistake; you’re dealing with a character flaw.

The Coward’s Breakup

Let’s be real: breaking up with someone is hard. It’s awkward, there are tears, and you have to be the bad guy. So, what do some people do? They cheat.

This is the “Fear of Facing the Truth” factor. Instead of sitting you down and saying, “Hey, this isn’t working for me anymore,” they self-sabotage. They blow up the relationship, so they don’t have to make the decision themselves. It’s the ultimate act of cowardice. They get to have their cake (the safety of the relationship) and eat it too (the affair), all while waiting for you to catch them and do the dirty work of ending things.

Chasing the High of the Forbidden

Humans have a weird relationship with rules. Tell someone not to push the big red button, and they will spend the rest of the day thinking about that button.

For some, the stability of a loving partnership feels… boring. They miss the chaos. The secrecy of an affair creates a false sense of intensity that mimics intimacy. It’s the “forbidden fruit” effect. They aren’t necessarily looking for a new partner; they are looking for a rush. It’s impulse control gone wrong, fueled by the adrenaline of getting away with something they know they shouldn’t be doing.

Can You Fix It?

Look, if you’ve been cheated on, know this: it wasn’t your fault. Cheating is an active choice made by the other person to prioritize their temporary feelings over your reality.

If you are the one tempted to stray, check yourself. Are you actually unhappy with your partner, or are you just bored with yourself? Because blowing up your life for a temporary ego boost usually ends with a “Game Over” screen you aren’t ready to see.

Rebuilding Trust Starts with Understanding

Cheating in relationships is often rooted in unmet emotional needs, poor communication, or personal insecurities rather than a single moment of temptation. For some, cheating in relationships becomes a way to escape dissatisfaction, seek validation, or avoid confronting deeper issues within themselves or their partnership. Ultimately, cheating in relationships damages trust and highlights the importance of honesty, boundaries, and emotional accountability.