Choosing songs for a wedding playlist can be both fun and stressful. Of course, you’ll want to include songs you and your partner enjoy, songs that you both find personally meaningful, and songs that the wedding party and guests will enjoy listening and dancing to at the reception.
You’ll probably also make a list of songs you don’t want to be played or requested because you don’t like them or think they’re overplayed or annoying. You might want to avoid songs that portray love or relationships unflatteringly, even if those songs are good. Here are five great songs to listen to that shouldn’t be played at your wedding.
#1. “Better Man” by Pearl Jam
Since its original release on Pearl Jam’s 1994 album Vitalogy, “Better Man” has found its way onto many wedding playlists despite its unromantic subject matter. That might be because many people assume the repeated line “Can’t find a better man” in the chorus is a positive statement of admiration rather than the resigned, defeatist sentiment it actually is.
Frontman Eddie Vedder has stated on numerous occasions that he wrote the song about his stepfather, “the bastard that married his mother.” Listening to the song’s lyrics, it’s clear the female protagonist feels trapped in an unhappy relationship with an abusive man: “It’s got to stop/ Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech”; “she feeds him/ That’s why she’ll be back again.” She tries to gather up strength to confront and leave him, but she always stops herself and returns even though he treats her poorly.
Vedder sings that “she lies and says she’s in love with him/ Can’t find a better man,” making it clear the protagonist doesn’t actually think her husband’s a great guy but rather is resigned to her belief that she can’t find or doesn’t deserve a better partner. While this song does a great job showing the sad, heartbreaking reality of a woman trapped in a bad relationship, it’s not a good way to tell your partner how much you love them and how great they are.
#2. “Hey Ya!” by OutKast
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OutKast’s 2003 song “Hey Ya!” is a quintessential example of a seemingly upbeat song with actually downbeat lyrics. While the beat is fun to dance to, the lyrics tell about two people trying and failing to keep their relationship together even though deep down they both know it’s not working.
André 3000 starts the song confident that his partner loves him and wouldn’t cheat on or break up with him for any reason. As the verses progress, he begins questioning whether it’s worth staying in that relationship when “there’s nothin’ at all” there and why, given that neither of them are happy in it, they’re denying that their relationship won’t last. After all, love can be as fleeting as anything else: “If what they say is,/ ‘Nothing is forever,’/ Then what makes…/ Love the exception?”
Since “Hey Ya!” is about unhappy relationships and love’s inability to make many relationships last a lifetime, why do people still choose it as a wedding song? André 3000 answers that in the song: “Y’all don’t want to hear me./ You just wanna dance.” And to be fair, that’s a very catchy beat. While you might love listening and dancing to it, “Hey Ya!” is no testament to a strong, lasting relationship like the kind you’re hopefully celebrating on your wedding day.
#3. “Why Can’t I?” by Liz Phair
Unlike the previous two songs, Liz Phair’s 2003 song “Why Can’t I?” focuses on two people who share a positive mutual desire for each other, so on the surface it’s not a bad song for a wedding. Its seemingly straightforward, passionate lyrics and laidback pop rock melody make it a decent choice as well.
In the song, Phair sings from the perspective of a woman desperately in love with a man, so much so that she feels she can barely breathe when she thinks about him or speak when she talks about him. The woman seems especially convinced they’ll inevitably end up together: “It’s an itch we know we are gonna scratch/ Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch/ But wouldn’t it be beautiful?”
So what’s the issue? Well, as Phair says at the beginning, “[You’ve] got a girlfriend, you say it isn’t right/ And I’ve got someone waiting too.” Yep, it’s a song about at least being open to cheating on partners. Not to get too moralistic, but you probably don’t want the topic of cheating to come up at all on your wedding day. While “Why Can’t I” is a good song about a passionate relationship, it’s also about an ethically questionable one, so you probably shouldn’t play it for your first dance as a couple.
#4. “Already Gone” by The Eagles
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Released on their 1974 album On The Border, The Eagles’ beloved rock hit “Already Gone” celebrated its 50th anniversary earlier this year. Featuring the triumphant vocals of Glenn Frey and a lively tempo, the song focuses on a male protagonist who finds out from another person that his partner was going to break up with him. Rather than waiting for his partner to break the news to him, the singer resolves to end the relationship first and move on with his life.
Though Frey sings that this is a “vict’ry song” in the chorus, it’s not a victory for love or romantic relationships. He instead describes how he felt trapped in the relationship: he was living his life “in chains” and unable to “see the light” that he should leave. Neither his partner nor the relationship could set him free; only the realization that he always had the key to escape the relationship allows him to regain his strength and happiness. That certainly doesn’t paint a great picture of a relationship that’s gonna last, does it?
“Already Gone” is a song much better suited for a breakup than for a wedding. Rather than wallowing over a relationship that fell apart, it instead celebrates the freedom you feel after no longer being stuck in that relationship.
#5. “Take a Bow” by Rihanna
In her 2008 song “Take a Bow”, Rihanna verbally takes down an ex who cheated on her and kicks him out of her life for good. Sarcastically praising the speech he gives when he apologizes for cheating on her and asks her to take him back, she says he deserves a “round of applause” and a “standing ovation” for his melodramatic, insincere plea for forgiveness.
Rihanna makes it abundantly clear she knows that he’s only doing this because he got caught and that he doesn’t actually care about her or her feelings. She sends him off, telling him to take a bow and leave the stage since their relationship’s over and she’s not bringing him back for an encore.
A cutting indictment of any insincere cheater trying to recover the original relationship they destroyed, the song’s smooth R&B beat and Rihanna’s strong vocal performance make it a great song to listen to. Unless you plan to dump your fiancé at the reception or think they’ve been cheating on you, you should keep it off your wedding playlist. It’s not the kind of bow either of you wants to be taking.
Final Thoughts
There are many ways to sing about love and romantic relationships, from celebrating deep love for each other to lamenting unhappy or abusive ones to dealing with breakups to denouncing love in general. Each of the above songs are great at depicting the downsides of love and relationships, but they shouldn’t underscore ceremonies meant to emphasize how strong and lasting a couple’s relationship is.
Unless you have a really good sense of humor or enjoy the irony of songs about love gone wrong playing during an event where love hopefully goes right, you should avoid adding any of these songs to your wedding playlist. These are all great songs; just play them anywhere else besides a wedding.
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