Grief During the Holidays: It’s Not Easy But It’s Possible To Get Through It
The holidays are the embodiment of being surrounded by the people you love and care for; however, they are also an overwhelming reminder of those who couldn’t make it. A friend, a relative, a child. Anyone who was in your life but has passed away. Grief during the holidays can feel like an obstacle, but with the right skills at your disposal, it doesn’t have to feel impossible.
Grieving During The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
The “most wonderful time of year” could feel suffocating for anyone who has lost someone. It’s a loud forest of bright lights and merriment that can trigger your grief. You will feel a lot more during this time, and that is absolutely okay! You have the right to feel anything but merry because grief isn’t something you can switch on and off.
It isn’t healthy to bottle up your emotions and pretend you aren’t missing someone. If you try to avoid your grief, those feelings will boil over and morph into something worse. There are ways for you to express your grief and partake in the holiday spirit, all the while finding a balance so you push yourselves too hard.
Coping Advice That You Can Do
Grief is a tricky thing because there is no set limit on how long it will stay. It isn’t just crying until you run out of tears; it can appear at random moments, even when you don’t think about it. Coping with your loss will take time, regardless of whether the deceased passed recently or a long time ago. For that matter, maneuvering through the holidays will take time and practice. Here are some ways you can try to utilize to get you through the last few days of the year.
Find Some Support
Talk to your family, friends, and those you trust about how you feel and what you’re going through. Let them know so that they can be prepared to help you when you’re in distress. It can be simple gestures like having them stay by your side, giving you a shoulder to cry on, or just being aware that you plan to excuse yourself for a moment alone. They could be experiencing a loss as well. Support one another to help you all get through this hard time.
Don’t Bottle Anything. Feel Your Feelings:
Cry when you need to, laugh when you want to. Trust yourself with your emotions and DO NOT EVER be ashamed of them. You can express your grief through writing, setting a gift for the departed, visiting the gravesite, or just talking about them. You will feel a whirlwind of emotions this time of year, so don’t put on a facade. You can grieve by yourself or with others who are also experiencing grief in some way.
Handle The Bare Necessities
Take care of yourself wholeheartedly. Treat yourself with kindness and don’t critique everything you think. This time of year is already hard enough with all the sugary foods. It won’t be easy, but try to be aware of how much you eat and drink, get the proper rest you need, stick to a hygiene routine, and/or find a physical activity that gets your blood pumping.
Hobbies To Keep You Grounded
Hobbies help you express your interests, but they can also calm you down. Use your favorite pastime to give yourself a sense of peace and joy. You can be overstimulated with all that’s happening, so take a moment for yourself. Painting, running, reading, decorating, baking, playing music, or singing. Do something that you like that can help ground you.
Saying No Is Okay
Know your limits on how much you can handle. Let people know that you can’t or won’t be able to attend parties, gatherings, and other celebratory events. Understand what you WANT versus what you CAN do. It’s okay to say “I can’t handle that,” “It’s too much for me,” or “I don’t want to do this.” Uphold boundaries for your well-being, and it will give you a sense of control during the holiday stressors. You don’t have to be with everyone every moment, and you don’t have to go to every single invite.
Plan With An Out Strategy To Stop A Panicked Escape
You could be feeling okay when you accept a party invitation, but all of that can change later. If you do plan on attending something, establish an “out strategy.” Think of it this way: escape routes are for when emergencies are happening; an out strategy is a prevention tactic. It sounds like a battle plan, yes, but it helps ease your stress when your grief starts to take over. And it’s a simple setup.
Your “out” can be simply telling the host that you will be there for a limited time. You can also warn them ahead of time that you might suddenly dip out. Establishing a line of communication is key in case you unexpectedly hit your limit and need to leave. Let them know that you left so they know you aren’t hurt, and call or text them that you are in a safe place.
Keep This In Mind: Everyone Grieves Differently
You may not be the only one experiencing a loss, and they might express themselves in a way that doesn’t sit right with you. Remember that there’s a multitude of ways we cope, and, as long as the coping method doesn’t hurt anyone, so be it. I’m not a professional grief counselor, but I understand that tangled ball of grief during the celebratory season. I will cry and take baby steps at a time during this time, the same way I was about to cry and take steps after the funeral. We will get through this. Stay safe.
