Dating apps have their place, but about 50 percent of heterosexual couples meet in person at a physical location, and so do 20 percent of same-sex couples. If you’re tired of swiping, here are five proven places to meet someone in real life through shared interests and everyday moments, and how to start a conversation that feels natural.
Why in-person dating works better for long-term partners
Research shows that the places people choose to meet align with what they’re looking for. Those seeking long-term partners tend to gravitate toward classes, workplaces, and groups built around shared interests, and these environments naturally attract people who are more conscientious, agreeable and interested in committed relationships, according to a 2015 study in Personality and Individual Differences. A 2012 study found that about 50 percent of heterosexual couples and 20 percent of same-sex couples meet in person at a physical location, according to Today.com.
When you meet someone in person, you skip the superficiality of profiles and start with a real shared experience. That matters: you’re not competing for attention in a sea of options, and the other person isn’t either.
1. Waiting in line: concerts, movies and events
One of the best overlooked places to meet someone is a queue, according to relationship expert Esther Perel, host of the podcast “Where Should We Begin?” Waiting before a concert, movie or event gives you built-in conversation starters and shared anticipation.
“The moment before you enter creates natural conversation,” Perel tells TODAY.com.
Try asking: “What drew you here?” or “Are you familiar with the performer?” or “Where else have you experienced this artist?” These questions work because you’re both standing at the threshold of the same experience.Where Should We Begin?”Where Should We Begin?”
“You have a host of shared experience that you’re about to have, and this anticipatory expectation already gives you a ton of things to talk about,” Perel tells TODAY.com. Try asking: “What brings you here? Have you heard this person or artist before?
Are you a fan? Where else have you seen this person?”
The key is that you both are about to do the same thing, so the conversation has a natural frame.
2. Travel: trains and planes
Airplanes and trains once ranked as top places to meet travelers from around the world, according to Perel. Being in close proximity for hours creates natural conversation openings: you might ask where someone is headed, where they’re from, or what comes next on their journey. There’s something about being in transit that makes strangers feel intriguing.
That said, modern air travel has made this harder. Seatback screens and personal devices create more barriers than they did in the past. If you do travel, look for moments to connect before boarding or during layovers, or choose ground transportation like trains where conversation flows more naturally.
3. Grocery stores and farmers markets
You wouldn’t expect the produce aisle to be a dating spot, but Perel points to food markets as surprisingly effective places. Two people reaching for the same vegetables? Food becomes what Perel calls an “intermediary object”, something that facilitates connection.
You can ask a stranger, “What do you do with these?” or “Any recipes you’d recommend?” A genuine question about how they use something can open a real conversation. Markets work because you’re both there doing something concrete, and the product gives you something to talk about that’s not forced.
You wouldn’t expect the produce aisle to be a dating spot, but Perel points to food markets as surprisingly effective places. Two people reaching for the same vegetables? Food becomes what Perel calls an “intermediary object”, something that facilitates connection.
You can ask a stranger, “How do you like to make this vegetable? What’s your preferred way of cooking these?” A genuine question about how they prepare something can open a real conversation.
4. Gyms and fitness classes
Gyms used to be major hubs for meeting people, but earbuds and phones have changed the culture. Most people isolate on their machines. Perel noticed this shift: modern gym culture prioritizes solitude, with people listening to music or scrolling instead of engaging with those around them.
But connection still happens. Ask for a spotter during weightlifting, or chat before or after a fitness class. “Through the shared activity, you instantly get plenty of things to talk about,” Perel says. A question like “Do you know how this works?” or casual post-class chat about how you’re feeling can start something real.
5. Classes and groups built around your interests
Any class or group focused on something you care about, cooking, art, book clubs, sports leagues, volunteer groups, naturally draws people with shared values and interests. This is where the research shows long-term partners tend to meet, especially among people who are conscientious and relationship-oriented.
You’re not forcing conversation; you’re already bonding over something you both chose to show up for. That shared commitment is the foundation.
How to start a conversation respectfully
The best opening isn’t a line. It’s a genuine observation or question tied to what you’re both experiencing in that moment. “What brings you here?” or “Have you been here before?” works because it acknowledges the shared context.
Read the room. If someone has earbuds in, or is clearly focused on something else, they’re signaling that they’re not open to chat. Respect that.
A brief, light comment or question is a good test; if the person responds with warmth and engages back, you can continue. If they give a polite short answer, let it go gracefully.
The goal of a first conversation isn’t a relationship, it’s a pleasant exchange. If there’s chemistry, there’s almost always a natural next step (another chat, an exchange of contact info, meeting again). If there isn’t, you’ve still had a normal human interaction, which is the whole point of meeting in real life.
A note on boundaries and comfort
Meeting someone in person means reading signals and respecting them immediately. Talking to strangers is a skill, as Perel notes, and part of that skill is knowing when to engage and when to step back. Someone turning their body away, looking at their phone, or giving one-word answers is not interested in talking, and that’s completely okay.
The benefit of real-life meeting is that you can pick up on those signals instantly, unlike online dating where someone simply doesn’t respond. In person, you can be gracious, say something like “Hope you enjoy the show,” and move on.
Real connection doesn’t require forcing it. The places and moments that work are the ones where you both already want to be there.
Reporting from Today and Psychology Today contributed to this story.
