Couples who want to keep romance alive in a long-term relationship have a simple tool available to them: novelty. The Gottman Institute, which has studied relationships for more than 50 years, points to fresh shared experiences as a key ingredient in sustaining happy long-term love. The idea is straightforward. Daily routines can make partners stop seeing each other with fresh eyes, and breaking that pattern on purpose can bring back the spark.
This guide walks through practical, low-pressure ways to build more novelty, playfulness and affection into a long-term relationship, drawing on advice from the Gottman Institute and sex therapist Dr. Cheryl Fraser.
Why Novelty Matters For Long-Term Couples
According to the Gottman Institute, novelty helps couples see each other the way they did earlier in the relationship, before routines set in. When partners keep doing the same things in the same order every day, it gets harder to notice each other at all. Introducing something new, even something small, interrupts that autopilot and gives both people a reason to pay attention again.
This is the foundation for every other suggestion in this guide. Each idea below works by giving a couple a new shared moment instead of another repeat of yesterday.
Step 1: Schedule A Monthly Breakfast Or Brunch Date
The Gottman Institute recommends starting the day together in a new way by going out for breakfast or brunch, suggesting couples try this about once a month. Doing it in the morning rather than the evening changes the usual rhythm of a relationship’s date nights and offers a different kind of time together.
During these outings, the Gottman Institute suggests using the time to talk about hopes and dreams rather than logistics or chores. That conversation topic keeps the date focused on connection instead of the usual to-do list that can dominate mealtime talk at home.
How to Make It a Habit
Pick a recurring day, such as the first Saturday of the month, and put it on a shared calendar so it does not get crowded out by other plans. Treat it the same way you would treat any other standing appointment. Consistency is what turns a nice idea into an actual ritual.
Step 2: Add Playful, Low-Pressure Physical Affection
For couples looking to increase physical affection in a lighthearted way, the Gottman Institute points to games like sexy truth or dare. Examples include questions about intimate locations and challenges built around sensual touch. The game format takes pressure off either partner to initiate directly and instead turns romance into something the couple does together as play.
This kind of low-stakes structure can be especially useful for couples who feel out of practice with flirting. A game gives both people permission to be a little silly and a little bold at the same time, without either one having to make the first move alone.
Step 3: Learn From Relationship Experts
Beyond the Gottman Institute’s research, Dr. Cheryl Fraser, a Buddhist sex therapist, psychologist, author and speaker, teaches couples how to maintain passion over the long term. Fraser offers free live Passion Masterclasses built around three keys to great relationships.
Seeking out structured guidance like this can give couples a shared framework to work from, rather than leaving romance to chance or to whoever happens to think of something first. Couples curious about Fraser’s approach can look for her live masterclasses directly.
Common Mistakes To Avoid
One common mistake is waiting for a special occasion to try something new. The Gottman Institute’s advice centers on regular, repeatable habits, like a monthly breakfast date, not once-a-year grand gestures. Another mistake is treating novelty and affection as separate tracks. Pairing a new experience, like a brunch outing, with an open conversation about hopes and dreams does more for a relationship than either piece alone.
Couples should also avoid turning these ideas into pressure-filled obligations. The point of a game like sexy truth or dare is that it stays playful. If either partner feels forced into participating, the exercise works against its own purpose.
Which Version Of This Approach Fits Your Relationship
These steps are flexible enough for couples at different stages of a long-term relationship. A monthly breakfast date works well for partners who feel their routines have gone stale. A playful game suits couples who want to rebuild physical affection without a heavy conversation first. Seeking out expert-led guidance, such as Fraser’s masterclasses, suits couples who want a more structured path.
None of these steps require a big financial investment or a dramatic life change. They ask for consistency and a willingness to try something slightly different than the usual routine.
What’s Next
Couples interested in trying these approaches can start small: pick a date for the next breakfast outing, or set aside an evening for a playful game night. For those who want more structured support, watching for Dr. Cheryl Fraser’s next live Passion Masterclass offers a chance to learn her three keys to great relationships directly from her.
Readers interested in more guidance on maintaining well-being within relationships can also explore related resources on building emotional resilience in stressful times, which touches on skills that support healthy long-term partnerships.
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