Storybook families or the families you see on TV are rarely how things work in real life. Even people who adore their family members often don’t see eye-to-eye on things; family values can vary. This is especially true as people grow older and new members are introduced into the family through marriage and birth. So, what do you do when family values don’t mesh? Here are a few tips for handling differences with respect.
Listen Actively
To build the same family values, the first step is to respectfully handle differences within your family and listen to one another. Unfortunately, many people think that hearing what someone else is saying is the same as listening–it’s not. Listening, especially actively listening, helps people feel genuinely heard and understood. Active listening prevents misunderstandings and ensures that there is little to no miscommunication.
How can you actively listen to your family members?
- Focus on what they’re saying when they’re speaking instead of planning your response.
- Summarize what you think you’ve heard when they spoke and ask for confirmation.
- Clarify anything that confuses you or seems out of character to them.
- Empathize with the emotions they express, even if you don’t agree with their basic point.
- Encourage them to continue sharing their thoughts and feelings and ask that they do the same for you.
Agree to Disagree
Try your level best to be accommodative. You might not come to terms with people with different family values and a strong difference of opinion. This doesn’t mean the relationship has to end or that you can’t treat each other with respect. You can simply agree to disagree. Doing so allows everyone to acknowledge their differences without those differences interfering with the connection you have. People who love one another don’t need to agree on everything, as long as they are respectful to each other.
Set Boundaries
Boundaries are important in any relationship, but they can be helpful especially when your family values differ from those of your relatives. Clear boundaries prevent conflicts and disagreements from spiraling into family wars. In some cases, the best boundary to set is to make certain topics off-limits. You should honor that boundary and expect others to do the same if it’s set by you.
Focus on the Family Values You Share
Regardless of what you disagree on now, chances are you have some common ground. Even newer members of the family share common ground because they’ve entered into the family out of love for someone the two of you love. Focus on that. Family relationships can be some of the most important you’ll ever have. As long as nobody is being disrespectful or abusive, everyone should be able to rise above disagreements and come together with their shared interests.
Final Thoughts
Handling differences in family values within a family requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to respect one another. By listening actively, agreeing to disagree, setting boundaries, and focusing on shared values, families can embrace their diversity while maintaining a sense of unity. Respect is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and when it comes to family, it helps build bridges rather than walls.
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