7 Relationship Patterns That Can Resurface in Fall—and What They Mean According to Psychologists

The wrong relationship patterns can be detrimental to any relationship. Fall is a nesting time when negative patterns may begin to show. To enjoy healthy, long-lasting relationships, recognize negative patterns that develop over time. Experts confirm that even couples with happy, productive relationships may develop destructive relationship habits.

Getting stuck in a habit or pattern is easy to do. Our brains are wired that way. However, it’s necessary to recognize when a relationship pattern is harmful, rather than beneficial to the relationship. Here are 7 relationship patterns to avoid.

Internalizing Feelings

Holding on to your feelings or keeping them inside to protect the other person’s feelings or to maintain the relationship is harmful. Relationships work best when there is honest communication between two partners. This relationship pattern is toxic because it creates a power dynamic that gives the other partner more power or control.

You’ll end up suppressing your emotions and deciding your feelings don’t matter. This can lead to anxiety, stress, and problems with emotional regulation.

Making Predictions

Often, when partners have been together for a long time, one or both may feel comfortable predicting their partner’s words and actions. This can lead to a superior mentality that makes you think you know your partner better than they know themselves. It can become controlling behavior because, usually, this thinking is based on how you want them to respond.

What works best is treating your partner as an individual who’s free to speak and act as an independent person. Always have a conversation with them to understand how they feel before assuming.

Blaming Your Partner

When partners bring up issues with each other, it’s common to accuse the other of wrongdoing: “Why’d you do this?” or “What were you thinking? These are harsh ways to begin a conversation because they imply your partner acted wrongly. Feeling attacked, your partner is forced to defend themselves, which may lead to an argument.

Reverse this negative relationship pattern by expressing your real feelings.  Instead, lead with,  “I feel we’re not on the same page with this.” That’s a lot less critical than, “You always do your own thing!”

Expecting Too Much

Oftentimes, people enter relationships with emotional baggage stemming from past relational hurts or psychological wounds that may have taken place in their childhood. And they expect their partner to be the healing balm that erases all the pain of their past. However, that’s too much responsibility to put on someone else.

Both of you are individuals who must work on your own issues while being there to support and share in your daily lives. To expect more is to invite arguments and hurt feelings that could destroy your marriage or require therapy to get back on track.

Fighting Over Nothing

Some destructive relationship patterns are easily avoidable. When one partner seems to incite unnecessary or mindless arguments, it’s a sign that this relationship pattern may end the partnership you’ve built. Endless fights over trivial matters can ruin the happiness and stability of the relationship. If the issue won’t even matter in the next year or five years, it’s not worth arguing over.

Distrusting Your Gut

Your instincts are there for a reason. They lead you into making decisions that are best for you. Relationship patterns that cause you to make compromises that go against your gut are unhealthy. When you go against your beliefs, values, and morals, you invite strife and resentment to enter the relationship. This is unhealthy, and you should consider what is best for you.

Healthy relationships don’t require you to compromise on things important to you. So, think twice about continuing a relationship that forces you to make compromises.

Going Overboard

Social media is an outlet for many people to post cute things about their relationships. However, excessive pictures and stories can be a bit much.  Often, it’s about trying to convince other people they’re happy when they really aren’t. Instead of living by the adage “less is more,” they swing toward overkill. Research has found that couples who endlessly flaunt their love on social media are less happy.

Recognize this as a detrimental relationship pattern. Your relationship deserves privacy and respect. Talk to each other more rather than post pictures for likes and comments. Be vigilant in disrupting destructive relationship patterns before they cause problems.

Final Thoughts

This fall, you may be spending more time together. As the temperatures drop, there may be more nights spent relaxing by the fireplace. To ensure a happy and healthy life, avoid negative relationship patterns that create discord. Don’t internalize your feelings, predict your partner’s next move, blame your partner, expect too much, or fight over nothing.

Always trust your gut and don’t wild out on social media. Keeping these things in mind may save your relationship and create a cozy and cuddly space this fall.

 

 

Disclaimer: This article is intended for informational purposes only and does not constitute professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing significant relationship challenges or emotional distress, please consult a licensed therapist, counselor, or mental health professional.