Before the Breakup: 4 Quiet Ways Loneliness Shows Up in Relationships

If you are lonely in your relationship and a breakup seems imminent, take heart. Approach your relationship proactively. Reflect on how you are feeling. Discuss your emotions with your partner. There may well be hope that you and your partner can reconnect. This loneliness may be temporary. Emotional distance that causes loneliness, for instance, can be lessened by thoughtfully striving to connect. This can happen through meaningful conversation that brings you together. It can also happen through quality time during which you prioritize active engagement.

Two Aspects of Loneliness in Relationships

According to Healthline, “a variety of factors” can create loneliness in a relationship. For instance, there can be a sense of emotional distance between partners. This feeling of distance often does not happen suddenly. According to Suntia Smith, “emotional distance creeps in when certain needs go unmet or unnoticed.” A lack of support and understanding can erode a relationship over time. Without attention to emotional well-being, people in a relationship can feel lonely or isolated.

Along with current emotional disconnection, loneliness can be impacted by lifelong patterns of interaction. Attachment styles, for example, can play a role in loneliness in couples. Two people in a couple may have similar attachment styles. They may also have different attachment styles. Healthline states that feelings concerning attachment “often originate in childhood.”

Insecure attachment is one attachment style. It can prompt difficulties with relationship building in areas such as vulnerability and emotional intimacy. Two people with differing attachment styles may have a relationship in which people need different things. One partner may value alone time, while the other may need tenderness and attention. Couples Learn explains that this discrepancy can create “a cycle of pursuit and withdrawal.”

Two Indications of Potential Loneliness in a Relationship

One indication to look for is a lack of conversation that goes beyond life’s practicalities. Couples Learn explains: “Deep conversations… are what keep emotional intimacy alive.” However, a couple in a long-term relationship can stop having these connecting chats. Conversations in a partnership can center on life details such as shopping for groceries. These conversations are necessary. However, it is also important to check in with one another. This can help prevent disconnection from setting in. Couples Learning states you can discuss “fears, dreams, or even just how your day felt.”

Another possible indication is a lack of quality time spent with one another. It is important to go beyond mere existing in the proximity of your partner. You need to engage through quality time. According to Couples Learning, this “means undistracted, intentional moments that build closeness.” Carving out time to spend together symbolizes that your relationship is a priority for both partners. Couples Learning stresses that “no relationship thrives on leftovers.” Make sure that neither partner is lonely. Find opportunities to meaningfully enjoy being together.

Strategies to Avoid a Breakup

While you and/or your partner may be lonely, you can rebuild your bond. A breakup does not have to be on the horizon. To figure out how to work on your relationship, look thoughtfully at what you need. Healthline suggests: “Take time to reflect on what you are missing emotionally.” It helps to develop a detailed idea of what needs you would like met. You can then discuss these needs in a productive, specific way with your partner. According to Healthline, you can clarify “what helps you feel close and emotionally secure.”

In general, working to facilitate the flow of communication helps relationships stay solid. One area of focus in developing communication as a couple is listening. Healthline recommends not “interrupting or jumping to conclusions” when listening to your partner. The goal for both communication partners should be to understand one another.

What to Pay Attention to in a Lonely Relationship

Your lonely relationship does not have to be headed for a breakup. Take a look at your relationship to see what is at the heart of the loneliness. Perhaps there are emotional needs you and your partner can work on meeting. Perhaps attachment styles are impacting how you and your partner interact. Additionally, ensure that you and your partner communicate meaningfully. Talk about more than daily logistics. Discuss your lives and express your emotional needs. Also, make sure to listen considerately for understanding.