Signs of a Spoiled Child: Parenting Experts Reveal Key Behavioral Red Flags

We’ve all seen a spoiled child running amok somewhere and questioned their mom’s parenting skills. We assumed she wasn’t disciplining her child properly. And as a result, the child was entitled and just plain bad.  However, one researcher who studied over 200 kids discovered that entitlement or not saying no aren’t the only factors prompting children’s spoiled behavior.

A lack of connection, unmet emotional needs, or inconsistent boundaries are avenues that lead to spoiling a child. If you’re wondering if your child is headed in that direction, here are behavioral red flags to look for.

Seeks Constant Attention

If your child is clingy and needs constant touch, hugs, or reassurance, they may feel uncertain about their significance in the family. Or they may feel an emotional disconnection. An insecure child seeks attention and time as they navigate feelings of wanting recognition or validation.  In social settings, they especially cling to parents.

They may struggle when the parents’ attention isn’t on them because it challenges their sense of importance. When this is the case, take time to make your child feel emotionally secure. Spend quality time throughout the day. Set aside time to play and talk to them while encouraging and validating them. Then their clinginess will start to fade.

Resists Responsibility

Some children are uncooperative in the smallest tasks. A spoiled child doesn’t want to make their bed, clean their room, or pick up behind themselves. When asked to do chores, they whimper and whine while stomping away. Why are they resistant to any responsibilities around the home? Either responsibility was put on them too early, or they weren’t given responsibility early enough.

Offer age-appropriate teamwork activities, such as baking cookies or raking up leaves. This creates an opportunity to celebrate their strides by telling them they’re doing a good job. This boosts their confidence, and they feel more capable and supported. With this parenting tactic, they’ll naturally begin to work more independently.

Lacks Gratitude

We’ve all seen ungrateful children who don’t seem to appreciate anything they’re given. When your child is ungrateful or frustrated because they don’t get what they want, it may not be because they’re a spoiled child. They could feel unheard, disconnected, or unseen. Entitlement is the first condition that comes to mind when we see ungratefulness in children, but the case may be deeper.

If your child feels emotionally disconnected, take the time to give them positive reinforcement rather than just rewarding them. For example, tell them how much their work meant to you or how proud you felt of them. That’s better parenting than just doling out a monetary reward. Money is good, but there are things money can’t buy. A grateful child is one of them.

Hates “No”

Your child can’t bear hearing “no.” It sends them to the brink of rage and animosity. This red flag seems an obvious spoiled child alert. It definitely should be dealt with. But have you set clear boundaries? Have rules and structure been established so they understand what’s expected of them? If not, it may be the reason they’re acting out.

When rules are given randomly or at your whim, your child can feel helpless in decisions affecting them. Acting out becomes a way to obtain more control. Begin by establishing boundaries with love and kindness, letting them know it’s for their safety and protection. In parenting, getting that message across goes a long way. It can remove the label of a spoiled child.

For example, “I know you enjoy eating candy, but we’re keeping it to a minimum to protect you from cavities. Here are some other tasty snacks.” Once they understand that your motives are beneficial rather than harmful, they’ll be more cooperative.

Throws Temper Tantrums

This is the ultimate red flag indicating a spoiled child is on board. They’re flailing their arms or falling to the ground, kicking and screaming; it can seem they’re trying to manipulate a situation. However, this may be a cry for help. Often, children throw tantrums because their feelings seem dismissed, and they feel helpless.

They’re overwhelmed or overstimulated by things around them, so their meltdown results from their lack of emotional processing skills. Since children learn to regulate their emotions through connection and not control, validate them and talk calmly. This parenting skill tells them that you see their frustration and are there to help resolve it.

Final Thoughts

Some of the behaviors traditionally identified as those of a spoiled child may have been a call to apply constructive parenting skills. Every parent wants their children to feel emotionally connected and secure. Children will be spoiled if they’re not told no, or if they’re constantly given their way.

However, parents can find a safe balance by letting them enjoy their childhood, while expressing that they’re loved, protected, and seen.