Phone Snubbing – Phubbing – in Relationships 2025: New Research Reveals Emotional Impact and Attachment Styles

Today, smartphones rule the world. They dominate our culture, but unfortunately, they can be a relationship’s worst enemy. The term “phubbing,” derived from “phone” and “snubbing,” is being rude with a phone. Let me explain. Years ago, I knew a young lady who was in a serious relationship (or so she thought), and she planned a romantic dinner at one of the city’s most expensive restaurants.

Once there, after being seated, her boyfriend hopped on his phone and began calling all his friends. He wanted them to know his girlfriend had brought him to this fine restaurant. The problem was that he stayed on the phone the whole meal. While he felt excited to be there, she felt rejected, overlooked, and alone.

Just Plain Rude

Phubbing is just plain rude. People who are out with their spouses or significant others but ignore them while fixated on their phones are sending the wrong message. If the shoe were on the other foot, the phubbers wouldn’t like it.  The term, phubbing, might be new, but the concept has been around for a long time.

Inconsiderate people have always used whatever devices were available to ignore their partners. Even rotary phones were surely a culprit back in the day. Now, people’s phones are with them everywhere. So, phubbing can take place anywhere.

Consider Your Person

When people are in relationships, they must consider their partners. Some partners may be emotionally secure enough that they’re unbothered by short interruptions. However, nobody would want to be ignored for an entire evening. So even secure partners dislike being phubbed. What’s the point of going out if one partner is phubbing or absorbed in a phone?

Phubbing is one of the worst things you can do to an insecure partner. When people have insecurities or attachment anxiety issues, being phubbed can push them over the edge. They may feel unlovable or unworthy. Depression may set in, or the belief that they’re not enough. This can lead to withdrawal, causing them to become emotionally distant.

Emotional distancing is driven by the fear that the relationship might end. In anger, they may retaliate by phubbing, withholding affection. or acting distant. A friend was riding home with her boyfriend after dinner and his phone rang. He answered it and seemed to be speaking in code as he continued driving and talking for a long time. Her insecurities rose as the relationship had already been experiencing issues. Unsurprisingly, he soon told her he needed space.

Consider Yourself

Phone phubbing isn’t cool in relationships. Phubbers need to consider themselves when engaging in this behavior. Phubbing is a selfish and uncaring act. Selfishness may point to a deeper problem, like trauma or wounds from childhood that have carried on into adult life. Also, phubbing may be a result of a narcissistic personality.

Are you phone phubbing your partner because you think it’s all about you? Do you see other people as less valuable? Do you have unresolved anger issues? If so, you should seek counsel to get rid of this toxic thinking to save your relationship.

Fair and Square

In all relationships, people should strive for fairness. Ask yourself, “Am I being fair to my partner?” Phone phubbing isn’t fair because it leaves one person out in the cold. Relationships thrive on love, trust, and respect. Also, compassion is a must. A compassionate heart promotes fairness.

If you’ve been phone phubbing, stop it. Lead with love and kindness, rather than unfairness and lack of consideration. Keep everything fair and square.

Study Your Partner

I’ve heard it said that a man should study his wife and vice versa. This means know your partner’s habits, likes, dislikes, and triggers. If you know your partner has abandonment issues, don’t pull that lever down. When you know depression results when they’re not reassured, or their esteem is lowered, or they become hurt and resentful, stop phone phubbing.

It might be useful for both partners to take a personality test. This may help them understand each other’s personalities. Those who care about their relationships work to strengthen them, not tear them down. 

Steps to Take

Agree to have times when phones are off limits, like mealtime, events, and right before bed. It’s up to you to make your partner feel loved, seen, and appreciated. Who wants to feel like an accessory? Have a conversation with your partner. What boundaries can you establish so that both parties are comfortable?

If you need to check your phone or take calls occasionally for work, explain that to them. Or if you have terrible phone habits, such as being constantly on your phone, discuss working through this together.

Moving Forward

How sweet it is when your relationship can move forward without phone phubbing each other. When people stop being rude, consider their partners, and treat them fairly, the phubbing will stop. Study your partner, and take steps to build your relationship. If needed, seek outside counsel. Find ways to make the relationship more loving and kind. In other words, be a lover, not a phubber.