The Inner Child in Your Relationship: How Past Wounds Shape Present Love, According to Psychologists

The inner child is an enemy to relationships. How does that look? Your relationship is stagnant. You’re not moving in sync. You’ve lost your spark. There were once loving days filled with laughter, gentle caresses, and candlelit dinners, but now there are major misunderstandings. Instead of singing, “The Closer I get to You,” you’re singing “Distant Lover.” A seemingly once sturdy ship has turned and hit rock bottom. There’s a third person in your relationship that’s wreaking havoc: your inner child.

Inner Child Syndrome

Exactly what is Inner Child Syndrome? It’s when people have past hurts or heartaches that have deeply wounded them. Try as they might, they can’t seem to get past them. Not a day goes by that the hurtful situation doesn’t replay in their heads. They may want to be free, but they’re stuck. If the hurt they experienced happened when they were twelve, they haven’t moved past that age emotionally.

Even though they’ve physically grown and appear to be self-aware humans on the outside, they struggle with their inner child. The inner child is that voice in your head that pulls you back when you’re trying to move forward. It sabotages relationships, keeping you lonely,  heartbroken, and sad.

What Psychologists Say

Psychologists use the term emotional baggage to describe past hurts, pain, and trauma that people carry. If you live in the past, you won’t enjoy the present. Past pain can cause emotional unavailability that destroys relationships. When you’re not present for your partner’s joys and successes, you’re stuck in the past. There may be great opportunities for your relationship to move forward, but your emotional baggage is blocking the entrance.

You may need to take advantage of therapy to get past these negative emotions that are binding you to your past. Otherwise, trust issues may ruin your relationship. When you’ve been hurt in past relationships, it’s hard to trust the one you’re with. Psychologists also warn that emotional baggage can create conflict and affect intimacy. Relationships full of conflict are toxic. Who needs that? And when romance and intimacy are gone, your relationship has failed.

Let it Go

Let it go, was once a catchy phrase for people who seemed to be holding on to something unimportant. It sounds simple, but unfortunately, it’s not. Many struggle with letting go. If that describes you, get help. Talk to someone, even if it’s a trusted friend or spiritual person who offers wise counsel.

Getting direction helps you find ways to build your relationship, making it stronger. It can lead you to stop mistrusting your partner without justifiable cause. And it can teach you to reverse emotional unavailability. Once you stop letting the past dominate your thoughts, you are ready to give your relationship a fighting chance.

Moving Forward

So what are some practical steps to moving forward? Maybe therapy is out of the question because of cost, and you don’t have a close friend who can help you. What should you do? Psychologists suggest several ways to resurrect your dead relationship, making it alive once again. However, before people can overcome a problem, they must acknowledge they have one. Acknowledgment means they’re aware, want help, and want to change.

Since communication has been upended, you must reopen the communication channels. They must not remain closed. Begin to have honest conversations with your partner about how you’re feeling and what’s been holding you back. Then listen to their feedback and allow it to move you both forward in harmony. Take a sigh of relief that your relationship can now surge ahead with new energy.

If you and your partner both decide therapy is needed, you may seek couples therapy to rebuild and strengthen your relationship. When you work together, there’s nothing you can’t defeat.

A Happy Ending

Yes, there can be light at the end of your tunnel, and happiness can replace hurt. But you must release the inner child holding you back. Don’t make friends with it and keep it hanging around. Realize that it’s destroying your relationship and bravely say goodbye. That’s the only way relationships can grow strong and healthy.

Go easy on yourself, though, because no one is perfect. If you’re willing to acknowledge your emotional baggage and take steps to remove it, you’ll emerge victoriously. When you seek counsel, communicate, and rebuild trust, your relationship begins to reshape. So do what it takes. Heal old wounds. Live in the present. Move past your inner child.