Love vs. Infatuation: 5 Ways to Tell The Difference

In Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116, he described love as an ever-fixed mark, not something that is subject to change. The characteristics of love and infatuation are similar. However, they have obvious differences. If Shakespeare’s line doesn’t shed enough light, let’s explore deeper.

Perhaps you’ve started a new relationship, or you have a love interest. You’ve been meeting eyes across the room or bumping into each other at the water cooler every day. Sparks are flying, but will these feelings lead to lasting love, or is it just infatuation? Here are 5  ways to tell the difference.

It’s Only Physical

One of the most obvious ways to discover whether it’s long-lasting or fly-by-night is if they’re only interested in you physically. Notice where their eyes are fixated when talking with you. Are they focused on your assets if you’re well-endowed, or do they look deep into your eyes, showing interest in the things you’re speaking about?

Maybe they’re moving too fast. They just met you, but they’re pressuring you to become intimate. They become frustrated if you’re not more open to their advances. They’re saying nice things, like you’re amazing, or you’re the one for me, but instead of it feeling genuine, it comes across as lines from a script. They want you to trust them without them earning it. They only want what they want.

When it’s the real thing, the other person won’t push you or coerce you into situations you’re not comfortable with. If they plan to be around for a long time, they’re not rushing you or being impatient.

Emotionally Unavailable

If the person is emotionally unavailable, they’re not comfortable engaging on an emotional level. They’re fine with surface-level communication. They’ll talk about the game, the movie, and the day they had at work, but if the conversation involves anything deeper than that, forget it. And they don’t want you getting all warm and fuzzy with them either. They’re not the ones you pour out your heart to. They prefer keeping emotions buried beneath the surface.

When people love you and care about you, there’s nothing you can’t share with them. If it affects you, they want to know about it and know how to help, if possible. You shouldn’t expect the other person to be your therapist, but you should expect them to care about things that are important to you. The person who is only infatuated won’t care.

Lovebomber Alert

A lovebomber is someone who overwhelms you with sentiments of love from day one. You met them at the coffee shop, they got your number, and they’ve called you nonstop ever since. You’ve lost sleep because they want to talk all night, if they’re not with you. It’s only been a week since you met them, but they’re already talking about marriage.

They’re showering you with gifts and adoration. Wake up. They’re a lovebomber. The red flag of infatuation is waving high. They could be a narcissist who is trying to pull you into their web of lies and deceit, only so they can manipulate and control you to their advantage. This is not sensible behavior. When people really care for you, they don’t overcrowd you. They give you the benefit of the doubt that you’re an intelligent human being.

Too Needy

You’ve started a new relationship, and they have needs, needs, and more needs. They need constant attention or money, or favors, and the list goes on. They never tire of needing something from you. Yet they give you mostly nothing in return. They’re probably looking for an enabler, someone willing to fund or support their lifestyle choices. Notice this sign right off the bat, and run. If a person is only interested in taking from you and not having a mutually beneficial relationship, it’s only infatuation.

On the other hand, they may need to be in a relationship because it makes them feel needed or less lonely.  They may be in love with the idea of love. They’re unwilling to work on building a successful relationship. If their track record is 5    relationships in the past 2 years, chances are, they’re only infatuated.

People who genuinely love take their time and don’t rush into relationships too quickly. They don’t leave a trail of partners behind. They’re interested in finding a compatible partner and sharing a committed relationship. Infatuation is only fleeting.

Too Secretive

Hours or maybe days go by, and you haven’t heard from them. And when you ask them what’s up, they get quiet or secretive. Their excuses seem fake and don’t add up. This may indicate you’re dealing with a cheater. They have another situation going on across town or maybe down the street. You’re completely in the dark, but it’s time to move to the light.

You’re a nice person, so there may be things they like about you, but it’s only infatuation. True love is more accountable, not secretive or shady. It doesn’t disappear without explanation, and then returns whenever it wants to, resuming as usual. Recognize a counterfeit and move on quickly.

Takeaways

You don’t want to miss out on the real thing, but you don’t want to be taken advantage of. When you’re seeking love, keep hope alive, but don’t chase impossible dreams. Know when they’re only attracted to you physically, or they’re emotionally unavailable, a lovebomber, needy, or secretive. Remember the poet’s words: love is an ever-fixed mark. It’s not a temporary one based on infatuation.