Let me tell you something that might surprise you: romantic gestures that mean the most are not a weekend in Paris or buying expensive jewelry. If I hate doing the dishes, then my spouse can quietly take over that chore without making a big deal about it. Sounds rather prosaic and unromantic, right? Well, suspend your incredulity, as we discover the true nature of romance in our overly busy and tech-saturated society.

Why We’ve Got Romance All Wrong

Here is the ironic thing about romantic gestures: we’ve been sold a bill of goods by Hollywood and greeting card companies. Romance is not about flash mobs in Times Square or renting out an entire restaurant.

Sarah, from Guildford, learned this when her husband surprised her with a pergola in their backyard. She’d mentioned wanting one a few times, but figured he was not really listening. “One day, I got home and a pergola was up with all the plant pots arranged around it,” she recalls. Sure, he complained about how difficult it was to build, but the gesture showed he’d been paying attention all along.

Scholars have actually studied this subject for millennia. From poetry to science, research shows that small, consistent acts of love activate the same neural pathways as major romantic events—yet the effects last longer.

Dr. John Gottman, the “godfather” of relationship research, found that couples who engage in small daily acts of connection have significantly stronger relationships than those who rely on grand gestures alone. It is like the difference between a plant getting a massive water dump once a month versus consistent, daily watering. Can you guess which plant thrives?

What Real Romantic Gestures Actually Look Like

Receiving a message every day from a loved one, i.e., boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, is not necessarily about creativity or originality. It is rather about communicating the fact that one is thought of and cherished even in the midst of a busy day or week. It’s about consistency and thoughtfulness, which beats a dozen roses any day of the week. That is emotional intelligence in action, folks.

 1. The Social Media Supporter

Ali, from London, discovered her husband had created an Instagram account for one reason only: to like every social media post. “My husband is not at all into social media, but he made an Instagram account so that he could like every single photo I post. It’s a small, silly thing, but it makes me feel nice whenever I get that notification.”

This is romance in the digital age—stepping into your spouse’s world, even when it’s not your cup of tea. Attending a concert, book club, or going to the driving range may not be your idea of a good time, but taking the time to invest in the other person will pay great dividends in the future.

2.  The Everyday Acts That Say “I Love You”

Let’s talk about some romantic gestures that happen right under our noses:

• Making the coffee just right. Knowing someone takes two sugars, not one, shows you’ve been paying attention to the small details that make them happy.
• Doing the chore you hate. Taking out the trash without being asked, or cleaning hair out of the drain without making a big production about it, is basically a love letter in actions. At times, the language of love is not “sweet nothings” or a stroll in the moonlight, but doing something without fanfare. Love is, after all, action. It is a choice. Even when one is tired or hurt, the decision to put someone else before oneself is crucial. You will never find happiness on a road called selfishness.
• Phone-free conversations. Putting down your device when your partner talks sends a clear message: you’re more important than anything happening on this screen. Our daily routine seems to involve a screen of some kind. We are saturated with information but starving for wisdom and genuine connection.
• Leaving Notes. If your spouse arrives from work before you do, leave a short but heartfelt note where they will find it.
• Asking Questions. Show interest in your husband or wife’s family, especially if they live farther away. Take an hour, grab a coffee, and ask questions about your significant other’s childhood or favorite memory with their grandma or cousin. This romantic gesture may seem small, but it will do so much for your spouse who misses loved ones.

Why These Gestures Matter

This is why these small acts are so powerful: they require genuine attention and care. Anyone can buy flowers when the calendar reminds them it’s Valentine’s Day. But remembering that your spouse has been stressed about a work presentation and surprising them with their favorite takeout? That takes real emotional investment.

The Bottom Line

True romantic gestures aren’t about the size of your wallet or your creative abilities. They are about showing up consistently for the person you love, in ways both big and small. So maybe it’s time we stopped measuring romance by the size of the gesture and started appreciating the depth of thought behind it. Because at the end of the day, being truly seen and understood by another person is the most romantic thing of all.