6 Reasons Why Friendship Is the Key to a Lasting Marriage

Ever wonder why some couples seem to have that special spark that never fades? You know the ones—they’re laughing together at the grocery store, finishing each other’s sentences, and still holding hands after decades together. Here’s the not-so-secret ingredient: they were friends first, and they never stopped being friends.

I’ll be honest with you—when someone tells me they’re rushing into a relationship without really knowing the person, I want to shake them (gently, of course). Because here’s what I’ve learned from years of watching relationships bloom and wither: the couples who build their love on a foundation of genuine friendship are the ones who go the distance. And trust me, it’s not just romantic fluff—there’s real science behind why friendships make relationships bulletproof.

Let me tell you about my friends Sarah and Mike. They met in college and spent three months as study buddies before either of them worked up the courage to suggest it might be more than friendship. “I was terrified I’d ruin everything,” Sarah told me. “But then I realized—what if we could be everything to each other?” Five years later, they’re married, and Mike still makes her laugh until she snorts (which, according to Sarah, is “deeply embarrassing but somehow adorable”).

The truth is, when you build friendships before diving into romance, you’re not just finding a lover—you’re finding your person. Your ride-or-die. Your partner in crime. And let me tell you why that matters more than you might think.

Friendships Create Unshakeable Emotional Connection

When you’re friends first, something magical happens: you learn to be vulnerable without the pressure cooker of romantic expectations. Think about it—with your best friend, you can admit you’re scared about that job interview, confess your weird obsession with reality TV, or ugly-cry about family drama without worrying they’ll think less of you.

That emotional safety net doesn’t disappear when romance enters the picture—it gets stronger. Couples who started as friends have already mastered the art of emotional intimacy. They’ve seen each other at their worst and stuck around anyway. They know which buttons to push and, more importantly, when not to push them.

Research from the Gottman Institute shows that couples with strong friendships have something called “Positive Sentiment Override”—basically, there’s so much goodwill built up between them that even during arguments, they give each other the benefit of the doubt. It’s like having an emotional insurance policy for your relationship.

Friendships Let You See Behind the Dating Mask

Let’s be real for a second—we all put on a bit of a performance when we’re dating. The best version of ourselves shows up for dinner dates, carefully curated and Instagram-ready. But friendships? Friendships see you at 2 AM when you’re stress-eating ice cream and ranting about your boss. They see you with morning hair and without makeup. They witness your weird habits and still choose to hang out with you.

When my friend Emma started dating her now-husband Jake, she already knew he was the guy who would drive two hours to help her move apartments, who remembered her coffee order without being asked, and who could make her laugh even when she was having the worst day. “I didn’t have to wonder if he was putting on an act,” she told me. “I already knew exactly who he was.”

That’s the beauty of friendships—they strip away the pretense. You get to see how someone treats service workers, how they handle stress, whether they’re kind to animals, and if they put their shopping carts back (okay, maybe that last one is just my personal litmus test, but still important).

Friendships Make Everyday Life Actually Fun

Here’s something nobody tells you about long-term relationships: most of your time together isn’t going to be candlelit dinners and romantic getaways. It’s going to be grocery shopping, paying bills, and deciding what to watch on Netflix for the hundredth time. And you know what makes all that mundane stuff bearable? Actually enjoying each other’s company.

Couples who are friends first have a huge advantage here. They’ve already figured out how to have fun together without the pressure of romance. They’ve developed inside jokes, discovered shared interests, and learned how to be silly together. When the butterflies settle down (and they will), friendship keeps the joy alive.

I think about my grandparents, married for 52 years before my grandfather passed. Even in their seventies, they were still cracking each other up. Grandma would roll her eyes at Grandpa’s dad jokes, but she’d be fighting back a smile the whole time. “Your grandfather has been making me laugh since we were twenty,” she once told me. “That’s worth more than all the romance in the world.”

Friendships Teach You How to Fight Fair

Every couple fights—don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. But there’s a world of difference between couples who fight like enemies and couples who fight like friends. Friends know how to disagree without being cruel. They’ve had practice navigating conflicts without trying to destroy each other.

When you’ve been friends first, you’ve already established a foundation of respect and care. You’ve probably weathered some disagreements and learned how to apologize and move forward. You understand that conflict doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed—it means you’re two different people figuring out how to mesh your lives together.

Dr. John Gottman’s research shows that couples with strong friendships approach problems as a team rather than as adversaries. Instead of “you always” or “you never,” they use “we” language. Instead of trying to win, they’re trying to understand. That’s the difference between a friendship-based relationship and one built purely on attraction.

Friendships Build Your Relationship Fortress

Life is going to throw curveballs at you—job loss, family drama, health scares, crying babies at 3 AM. When that happens, you want someone in your corner who’s not just there because they’re contractually obligated (though marriage vows are nice too). You want someone who genuinely cares about your well-being, someone who’s been your cheerleader long before they became your partner.

Friendships create resilience. When you’re friends first, you’ve already proven you can support each other through tough times. You’ve been each other’s shoulder to cry on, voice of reason, and source of strength. That doesn’t disappear when you add romance to the mix—it becomes the backbone of your relationship.

I’ve watched too many couples crumble under pressure because they never built that foundation of mutual support. But the couples who were friends first? They face challenges together, they lean on their shared history, and they come out stronger on the other side.

Friendships Keep Love Alive for the Long Haul

Here’s the thing about romantic love—it’s intense and wonderful, but it’s also changeable. The butterflies might fade, the passion might ebb and flow, but friendship love? That’s the steady, reliable kind that keeps couples together through decades of life changes.

Think about your oldest friendships. Sure, the relationship might look different now than it did ten years ago, but the core connection is still there. That’s what friendship brings to romantic relationships—staying power. It’s the difference between loving someone and genuinely liking them, and trust me, you want both.

The couples I know who’ve been happily married for decades all say the same thing: they married their best friend. Not in a boring, passionless way, but in a “this is the person I want to laugh with, adventure with, and grow old with” way. Romance brought them together, but friendship is what’s kept them together.

Look, I’m not saying you have to be platonic friends for years before you can fall in love. But I am saying that the strongest relationships are built on a foundation of genuine friendship, whether that develops before or alongside the romance. The couples who prioritize getting to know each other as people, not just as romantic interests, are the ones who build lasting love.

So if you’re dating someone, ask yourself: Do you actually like this person? Would you choose to spend time with them even if romance wasn’t on the table? Can you be yourself around them, weird quirks and all? If the answer is yes, you might just have found something special.

And if you’re already in a committed relationship, it’s never too late to strengthen your friendship. Start asking each other questions you’ve never asked before. Share stories from your past. Make time to just enjoy each other’s company without any agenda. Your relationship will thank you for it.

Because at the end of the day, lovers come and go, but best friends? They’re forever. And when you find someone who can be both? Well, that’s when you know you’ve hit the relationship jackpot.