Lavender marriage is a term and practice that’s been around for decades. The practice began in the early 20th century and was often associated with LGBTQ+ film stars of the time. The marriage is one of convenience between two people, often one or both of who are LGBTQ+. The goal of these marriages was and still is protection, be it social, professional, familial, or financial. While times have changed — members of the LGBTQ+ community can legally marry their partners and social stigmas against them are less prevalent — lavender marriages have recently seen a spike in popularity.
Why People Opted for Lavender Marriages in the Past
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Some of the best-known and/or most speculated-on lavender marriages, some of which were orchestrated by movie studios, include Rock Hudson and Phyllis Gates, Cary Grant and several of his wives, Rudolph Valentino and Jean Acker, Judy Garland and Vincente Minnelli, and Anthony Perkins and Berry Berenson. It wasn’t only famous people who chose to enter into lavender marriages. People from all walks of life preferred to keep their LGBTQ+ status secret, at least publicly and professionally, and heterosexual marriages provided this privacy. Being married also protected them from discrimination, harassment, and speculation about their sexuality.
There were and are also financial and legal reasons to enter into a lavender marriage. Legal marriage entitles a couple to certain tax benefits and legal protections. For example, a person’s legal spouse assumes power of attorney automatically under certain conditions in most states. Additionally, married couples can file income tax with the IRS jointly, which may reduce their tax burden.
Why Lavender Marriages Are on the Rise Again
Times have changed since Hollywood stars used lavender marriages to protect their reputations. There has been a recent spike in lavender marriages in the last several years, though, due to a combination of evolving social dynamics. For example, many LGBTQ+ people still face stigma or career repercussions, especially if they are working and/or living in conservative industries or communities. Lavender marriages offer these people personal and professional protection.
Additionally, some people choose this type of marriage not to hide their status in the LGBTQ+ community but to enjoy the benefits offered to legally married couples. They might have no desire to enter into a romantic marriage, but they do want the legal advantages and companionship marriage provides. Of course, this is not a new practice. It’s only fairly recently that marriage became about romance and personal preference. For centuries, people married for a variety of “unromantic” reasons, including political alliances, economic stability, social status, inheritance, the preservation of family lineages, and survival.
While many people automatically think of romance and intimacy when it comes to marriage, most marriages offer far more than this. This is especially true as people age and their lives become more and more entwined. Marriage offers companionship, emotional support, and peace of mind. It’s important to remember that each person has unique needs from the people in their lives. LGBTQ+ or not, not everyone wants intimacy and romance with their spouse. Lavender marriages can provide all of the benefits of other types of marriages, regardless of either member’s sexual orientation.
Conclusion
The bottom line is it’s up to each person to define their relationships and the way their marriage looks and functions. Not everyone wants a “typical” marriage, which today can apply to marriages between all types of people. Modern marriages are less about the people involved and more about the relationship dynamic. The LGBTQ+ community might have access to marriage, but this doesn’t mean that everyone within that community is looking for a typical marriage that involves romance and intimacy.
Lavender marriages can be very empowering. While these types of marriages began as a tool used to hide sexual orientation, they’ve evolved into an option for anyone considering a non-traditional path in life. While some people might view them as perpetuating outdated stereotypes, others view them as an option to enjoy emotional and practical benefits to which they would otherwise not have access.
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